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Feeling Secluded

last night when i was reading (scrolling instagram), i got a nice short clip from emma, playing hermione in harry potter. she mentioned about the feelings of not included, not welcomed somewhere, not invited. pokoknya she said, making people feel not included is such a painful thing to do. and yes it does. i was very emotional regarding this short clip, cause ive been there. is there anyone never been in this position? 

for me, it's always the first-two years of new workplace. my first workmate treated me soo "nice" that i lost my weight significantly. after 17 years of having educations, from kindergarden to university, never have i ever felt i dont wanna leave house in the morning. not until i face this reality in these 2 offices. i was clearly not invited, and eventhough i dont technically need the invitation -i'm spiritually committed to my house and my kids outside the workhours- a tiny acknowledgement wouldnt hurt, would it?

things are getting better, eventually, in my first and second office. or i've adapted better. i dont feel that pinch of hurt anymore cause basically i understand we dont stand on same ground. in my second office, things are getting too primitive. we dont talk about ideas, for sure. and we tend to consume our own friend when it comes to anything related to food. lots of traps i must say, and it's not a nice gesture in a relationship, isnt it. oh and how me must be too-humble-dry to those working years before us. i just dont find it an interesting concept, especially if those agey person couldnt show any signs of affection to this free-minded-youngster. no, you wouldnt get any best of me, you wouldnt get my respect!

so what did i do throught those unwelcoming era? i put their name in my prays. since i trust my God would always listen to any prayers, especially those who are hurted but can not respond. i put their name in my nice saying prays, because i also trust what you pray for someone, angels would pray the same for you, so i wouldnt dare of course to say anything bad, but just a condition where my level are much much better than them, and to soften their hearts toward me. it might not easy for those olders to take in a youngster who suddenly got some talents and being a favourite, but prayers take time and i could see some results, but like i said, it might be them or it might be me who changed.

at least i love waking up in the morning and going to the office now =)

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